Most Of The People I Meet On Daily Basis, Almost all Of My Friends Have Asked Me This Question. Even You Guys Have Asked Me This Question Many Times In Your Beautiful and Encouraging Comments That Why I am So Negative ? Why I am So Dark ? Why I am So Pessimistic ? Even Somebody Recently Told Me That It Could Be Depression also. Why I Celebrate Darkness? Why I am Not Shying Of Praising The Evil ? Why I Consider Goodness as Weakness ? Am I Suffering From a Mental Illness ? Or It Is Something Deeper ?
I Am Glad That I Have answer To All Of These Questions. Yes I am Pessimistic,Dark and Truly Negative. I am Just Little Bit away From The Pure Black. I am On The Verge Of Grayness . I will tell You Why But Before That Let Me Tell You Two Of The Millions Of Incidents Which are Continuously Fueling This Evil Fire In Me. These are Not The Biggest Dichotomous Incidents I Have Witnessed But These are Very Recent.
Whom I Should Respect
Almost Two Weeks I Was Traveling In a Mini Bus In Rush Hour Off Course. It Was Extremely Crowded. It Wasn’t The Typical State Bus Service Because State Buses are Not Crowded These Days But Bus Stops are Crowded. It’s a Private Service. Maybe It’s Common In Indian Cities,I Have No Idea. I Was Sitting and a Girl Was Standing. She Wasn’t Able To Move, Niether I Because It Was Jam Packed. I Was Playing Eye Games With That Girl Because Simply I am Single and Libido You Know. Sigmund Freud Spent His Whole Life Researching On It. She Was Also Single Because She Was Doing The Same. Whenever Our Eyes Met She Starts Look Others. She Was Smiling a Little Bit. It’s a Quite Girly Thing. Girls Do This Very Efficiently. They Stare at You and When You Find Them Doing That They Pretend Like Not Staring. Love Begins With Eyes But It’s Not a Chance, It’s Intentionally Created Plan.Eyes Met For a Second But They Were Staring For Hours.
But Suddenly She Started Feeling Uneasy. A Hand Out Of Nowhere Was Pressing Her Breasts, Another Hand Was Rubbing Her Asses. She Was Looking Me In Such a Way That She Was Asking For Mercy. Her Pain Was Clearly Visible and Everybody Was Seeing What Was Happening To Her But Nobody Said Nothing. A Senior Citizen Almost Double Of Her Age Doing This To Her. He Was Standing Behind Her But Wasn’t Able To Saw Her Directly. I Tried To Give My Seat To Her But as Soon as I Stand Up That Old Man Put His Foot On The Seat and Somehow Get That Seat. But It Wasn’t a Huge Thing In a Sexually Repressed Society. The Big Moment Was That When The Girl Said “Daddy Take My Bag”. Wether Knowingly Or Unknowingly That Oldman Had Committed a Sin Against Humanity. No More Words Needed I Think.
Who was Mentally Retarded
I Was Going To Work Early Morning. On a Footpath a Old Woman around Forty or Something Was Crying In Pain. She Was a Lunatic. These Kind Of Mad People are Common On Indian Streets. They Mostly Survive On Others Mercy Or Dustbins. The Country Which Had already Landed On Moon Is Not Able To Give asylum To Helpless Lunatics. Anyway That Woman Was Half Naked as Expected. But Her Stomach Was Big. Then I Realised That She Was Pregnant and In Labour. She Was About To Give Birth To a Child. A Few Women Gathered around Her and Asked Me To Leave. I Was Thinking Who’s The Actual Lunatic ? Who is Actually Mentally Retarded ? That Old Woman Or The Man Who Raped That Middle Aged, Dirty,Shit – Eating Woman. That Woman Wasn’t able To Gave Consent In any Way. I Mean How a Man Can Get Aroused By Seeing a Woman In Such a Derogatory Situation. It’s Inhumane.
If A Person Who Is Sane and Witnesses Such Events Million Times In His Two and Half Decades Long Lifetime,Tell Me From Where He Should Fetch Positivity ? I Don’t Believe In Such Idiotic Sayings That Change Your Attitude and Things Will Change. If You Put Your Hand In Burning Fire Then It Will Burn Eventually and You Have To Bear The Pain. It Doesn’t Matter How Many Times You Repeat To Yourself That This Is Ice,This Is Ice. That Doesn’t Make Any Sense at All.
I am Living In a World Which Is Not For Naive People. I am Living In a World Which Is Not For Deep People. I am Living In a World Which Is Not For Thinking People. I am Living In a Filthy World Full Of Cringed Ideas.
I am Not Judging anybody Here. The World Was always Like That. It Was Immoral Since Eternity. Humanity Is Deeply Flawed and I Know It. I am also Deeply Flawed. My Only Problem Is The Hypocrisy Of This World. My Whole Life, This Whole World Had Taught Me To Be Good,Be Moral and Speak Truth. My Parents,My Family,My Teachers, Religious Preachers,Movies, Television Shows, Neighbours, Governments and Everybody else Had Trained Me To Be Like That. But Whenever I Tried To Become Like That I Find It Difficult To Even Survive and All The Elders already Knows That. Then Why Did They Taught Me This ? That Doesn’t Make Any Sense.
In a Democratic Country,The Dynastic Rule Was Flourishing. When It Changed The Democratically Elected Goverment Became Fascist and The Goons Who Burnt Cities, Vandalised Everything Became Heroes. My Whole Life Every Book That I Read In School Taught Me That Democracy Is a Good Thing and When It Starts Flourishing Here,It Came In Danger Automatically But How ? Nobody Knows.
If I am Proud Of My History and Religion Then I am a Bigot. If I am Little Bit Traditional Then Somehow I Became a Lesser Human Being. I am Not Exaggerating It’s a Fact.
For Instance On a Lighter Note,I Am Still Single and I Have Been Like That My Whole Life,But a Jerk Friend Of Mine Who Consumes Weed On almost Daily Basis Has His Contacts Phonebook Filled Entirely With Women’s Phone Numbers. I am Calm, Caring and I Can’t Talk All Those Sweet Goody Goody Things, That’s Why I am Alone. Sorry For Laughing.
This Is Not about Me Or anybody Else. This Small Thing Exposes The Real Character and Hypocritical Approach Of Our Society. In The end The Good One Will Get Nothing. Irony Is That I Had Listened The Story Of Ramayana Thousand Times. It’s In The Blood Of Our Nation. It Preaches That No Matter What Happens,In The End Goodness Will Win.
When I am a Teenager, I Thought That This Was Limited To Our Society and The Country In Which I Live But Now I am Matured Enough. People are Same Everywhere.
Only Times Change,The World Never Changes. The Ape Man Who Was Attacking Other Ape Men Of Different Tribe With Stones Is Now Attacking Other Humans Of Different Nations With Nuclear Bombs. The Artistic Guy Who Painted Those Caves Beautifully Never Had a Chance To Have Sex and Reproduce. We all Are Descendents Of Hunters and Not The Artists. East Or West Everything Is Same Everywhere.
If The East Is Bigot, Frustrated and Hypocritical,So Is The West. The Western Civilization Is More Bloodier Then The Eastern. It Had Fought World Wars. The Whole Europian Continent Was Fighting Wars With Each Others Before Renaissance and after That They Fight With The Whole World. The People Who Proclaimed Themselves as The Most Ethical Civilization are Actually Savages and Had Done Most Of The Barbaric Acts In The History Of Humanity.
Human Civilization Is Still Suffering From The Obsession Of Materialism. Just Earn and Enjoy. That Materialism Was Good If It Wasn’t Blended With Existentialism. The Whole World Is Now Got Bored Of Itself. Life Has No Meaning. Nothing Will Happen,No Matter What We Do. The Universe Is So Vast That we are Almost Nothing When Compared To It. Our Existence Doesn’t Matter To Anyone. This Idea Combined With all The Emperical Data Collected Through Mathematical Equations and Scientific Instruments Has Created a Fatigue In The Very Essence Of Humanity.
Now Only Thing Left Is Gratification Of Sensual Urges. Female and Male Bodies Have Become The Greatest Source Of Enjoyment. Sex and Violence are Now The Greatest Source Of Ideas. Everything Now Revolves around a Glorious Hole and Blood.
Again I am Not Exaggerating, It’s a Fact. Take For Instance World’s Most Loved Series – Game of Thrones. It’s Good But Technically It Is Nothing But a Story Of Lust For Power Combined With Erotic and Violent Scenes. After Every Two Scenes a Woman Take Off Her Clothes and Become Naked. After Every Three Scenes, Blood Is Pouring From Someone’s Body. In Every Episode Someone Is Betraying Someone. That’s All. It Doesn’t Matter What Was It’s Content. What Matters Is That It’s World’s Most Loved Series. It Exposes Our Truly Civilized,Non Violent Minds. There’s a Huge Different In What We Say and What We Do and What We Want. This Hypocritical Approach Makes Me Angry and Pessimistic.
Truth Is Relative. This Idea Is Installed In Us So Deeply That We Have Forgotten The Very Nature Of Truth. If It’s Relative Then It’s Not Truth. It Has To Be Objective. It’s Not Your Truth Or Mine, But Truth Is Truth. Recently a Court In Some Western Country Remove The Allegations Of Sexual Harrasment on a Man Because He Thinks That He Is a Woman. An Idea Of Adult Pretending Is Common In The West. A Woman Identify Herself as a Bitch. So She Uses Dildo as a Tail. A Fifty Years Old Man Identified Himself as a Six Years Old Girl,So He Adopted A Couple as His Parents. That’s Insane. That’s Senseless But It’s True Because They Think It as True. I Mean It’s Funny But…
In The Sixties and Seventies In Bollywood A Phenomenon Of The Rise Of Amitabh Bachchan Happened. He Became The Angry Young Man Of The Masses. The Repressed Naive Socialist Society Of That Time Make Him Demigod. Everytime He Hits The Villain,The Common Movie Goer Achieve a Satisfaction In It. It Seems Like That Not Amitabh Bachchan But He Himself Hitting His Boss Or The Corrupt Police Officer Or Anyone He Hated.
Now Amitabh Is almost Eighty Years But People are Still Angry. They Still Need a Hero To Channelize Their Anger.
Times Have Changed But The Anger Is Not, Niether Pessimism nor Negativity. That’s Why I Think People Like Me Had Existed and Will Exist In All Times and All Places. But Now To Channelize Your Anger and Negativity You Don’t Need Movie Icons. You Can Watch Pornography and Masturbate Or You Can Write Blogs also. In Short You Can Be Your Own Amitabh Bachchan – The Angry Young Man.
I am Not a Negetive Person But I Look Like That. Because I Sell Glass In The City Of Stones. I Sell Mirror To The Ugliest Face Inside The Beautiful Mask. I Uncover Clothes Of Big Huge Moral Principles and Expose Their Animalistic Ideas. I am an anomaly In This Self Stimulated World. I See Things as They are and Not as They Pretend To Be.
I am a Sensible Person In a Senseless World. I Am a Dark Realistic Person In A Fake Brightened World. I am a Physically Social Person In a Virtual Social Media World. I am The Roadside Foothpath Of The Shining Road. I Am Not a Son of God. I am Just a Conscious Being With a Concise. I am Your Inner Angry Young Man. I am The Darkest Yet Deepest Voice Of Your Consciousness Which Even You Yourself Don’t Want To Hear.
That’s Why I am So Much Negative. I Will Be Negative. I Will Be Dark. Ever and Forever.