That’s How I Killed Myself

She Was Beautiful Infact Extremely Beautiful. Her Eyes Were So Alive That She Can Heal Your Wounded Soul By Just Looking at You. I Love The Way She Talked. I Saw My Life In Her Body. She Was Not a Person Anymore But Embodiment of Life For Me.

One Fine Evening I Saw Her Getting Closer With Some Other Being. Obviously I Don’t Like It. Because It Was Literally My Life Is Going Far From Me & I Can’t Do anything. My Life Never Goes The Way I Wanted. It’s Not New But It Was Hurting. I Went To A Bar & Drink Too Much. My Mind Was On Higher Dimensions.

I Was Walking To Home after That . Suddenly I Saw a Temple Of Lord Rama. Now You Know I Was Drunk & Also an Atheist. It Means Other’s Opium & My Whiskey. So I Stood Outside The Temple. My Thoughts Were Wandering & Legs Were Shivering. Suddenly a Fast Paced Car Bumped Into Me & …

I Was In a Room. An Old-fashioned Vintage Styled Room With Some Really Outdated Furniture & Dim Lighting. It Was an Old age Eastman Colour Type Environment.

Suddenly Out Of Nowhere Two Almost Eight Feet Men Entered In The Room. They Both Shouted at Same Time ” Sit “. I Literally Fall On The Chair. My Hands Were Tied Automatically To That Chair. Then They Bring Her – My Life Completely Naked. Here Eyes Were Closed almost. She Was Unconscious But Here Pale Face & Dead Eyes Were Stuck On My Face. I Was Crying. My Life Was Leaving Me.

All Of a Sudden a Man Emerged From Nowhere. He Was Laughing. His Back Was In Front Of Me & Lighting Was More Dimmer So That I Can’t See His Face.He Was Constantly Walking. He Asked Me Why I Was Crying. I Asked Him ” Where I am ” & He Laughed again. ” Do You Believe In Hobbes or Rousseau”.

I Think He Knows That I have a Keen Interest In Philosophy. So I Replied ” Obviously Rousseau,Look at My T shirt Dude “.

He Laughed again & Said ” You Know People Like You are Good at Fooling Not Others But Yourself. Have You Ever Thought Why You Were Born. Is It Because God Wanted ? Does Your Parents Wanted ? Does The World Needs You ? The Answer Is ‘No’. You Were & Almost Every One On This Mud Ball Were Born Out Of Pleasure. You Guys are The By Products Of Couples Having Fun. You are Like Shit Created Only Because Eating Was Fun. You Were Born Because Of Social Pressure In Some Countries & Sometimes Because Of Economic Interests.Even Many Of You’re Undesired Abandoned In Front Of Temples, Churches & Orphanages.”

I Was Listening To Him Because That Was The Only Thing I Can Do But Now I Wasn’t Able to Bear It So I Replied ” But My Parents Loved Me” . He Bursted In To Laughter Again. ” They Never Loved You. Nobody Loves You & You Know That. They Only Cared For You Because Of Evolution. The Evolution Taught Them To Do So. It Was Evolutionary Desire To Make Babies. When You Were Kid Till Ten Years They Cared For You Because Of Biological Restriction. After That They Care For You Because Of Their Economic Interests Of The Future. Just Grow Up Man. If They Had a Chance They Never Gave Birth To You. You Were Just Born. There’s No One Who Cares For You. Nobody Will Remeber You Once You Have Died. If You’re Dead Now Then Your Parent’s Life Infact anybody’s Life Wether Your Friends, Colleagues Or anyone Simply anyone’s Life Will Not Stop. Nobody Dies With or for anybody. Time is Passing Through Space & Space Is Expanding In Time Forever.”

I Was Watching My Life’s Face. She Was Getting Better Every Moment. I Was Listening To This Man of Darkness & Fearing Inside Because He Was Telling The Truth – The Naked Truth. I Was a Naive Guy. I Never Responded Back When Others Were Making Fun Of Me Thinking That It Will Hurt Them although They Were Hurting Me. Everyone Bullied Me. My Life Had No Meaning. I Was Living Just Like Undesired Shitt. Billions of People are Out There Who are Currently Living Like Me. I Was Simply a Part Of The Herd. The Equality, Rousseau, Cursing Government,My Family & World For Not Accepting Me & Not Giving What I Deserved Were The Real Opium & Not The Religion.

” Look Dude I Don’t Care About What You Think Because It’s Inhumane ” I answered. ” What Is Humanity Or Human Values are ? It’s a Shitt. Humanity Is Immoral. The Morality Is a Concept Created By The Failed Herd To Justify There Loss. Humanity Is Naturally Animality. Because Human Beings are Nothing But Animals Evolved From Apes. I Know That You Know The Science Behind It.

Humans are Inherently Violent & Extremely Sexual. That’s It. Nothing Else. No Morality. You Hide All These Ugly Desires Under The Labels Of Humanity & Morality. But In Reality You Guys are Just Incestuous & Violent Beings. You Were Born To Fight. You are Fighting For Last Two Million Years Atleast. The Only Thing Which Is Changed Is Arena. From Jungles To Offices. From Bloodshed To Sheding Tears. The Only Thing You Created Beautifully Was Religion.
All Your Today’s Morality Is Nothing But Commonly Accepted Religious Values. The Values Of Non Violence & Truthfulness & More Like Them are Actually Religious Values, Not Even From Today’s Religions But Older Ones also. Twelve Thousand Years ago Your Ancestors Build a Religious Temple Without any Equipments. They Were Forgers Then. After That Everything Changed. You Got agricultural, Industrial & Now Electronic Revolutions.

I Knew He Was Right. We Humans are Nothing But Imperialist, Ambitious, Sexual, Violent & Irrational Beings. We Destroy Every Institution Which Opposes These Urges. That’s Why All Of Our Religious Values Seems Tough To Incorporate In Our Lives Because They are Against Our Nature. Libido Of Freud & Darwin’s Theory Have Proved It. Even Unconsciously In My Dreams I Was Indulged In Sexual Activities With My Own Sister. That’s Why I am an Atheist Because I am Envious Of My Father Subconsciously. He was The Authority In My Childhood & I am Against Authority. That’s Why I Was Cursing Government all The Time Because Government & Religion Both are Authority. I am Not Cursing Them But Unconsciously I am Cursing My Father For Having Sex With My Mother.

I am Not Naive Or Bullied But I Show This To Other People To Justify Myself That I am Loser Not Because Of Myself But Because Of Others. I Was Victimizing Myself & Villainizing Others. I am Hero But For Me Only. I Fantasize About Sex. I Want To Fuck Every Beautiful Woman I See On TV,Porn,Movies, Roads,Malls & In Public Transports. But I Pretend To Be a Celibate Monk & Blame Girls For Running Behind Money. In Reality These Girls are also Humans. I Want Sex & They Want a Comfortable Life. That’s It. It’s Human Nature. He Is Right. Rousseau Was Simply Wrong.

He Had Most Beautiful Inventions Of Humanity i.e. Religion , Philosophy & Culture While I Have Social Media. He Can Love Because He Was a Man & I Have Genitals & Mind Filled With Toxic Masculinity. He Never Curses anyone Because He Don’t Need anyone To Exist. He Was Complete While I Constantly Need Approval of Others. He Loves His Parents, Colleagues, Friends, Society & Country Because He Don’t Expect Anything In Return. He Knows That What They Have Done For Him, They Have To Do It. Not Like Me Who Lives In Geo Centric World In Which I am The Centre & Everyone Has to Do Something For Me Without Expectations.

I was Lost In Thoughts. I Wasn’t Listening To Him anymore. My Life – That Naked Life. She Woke Up. She Slapped Me. Suddenly The Lights Were Getting Brighter & Brighter. The Man Turned Towards Me. He Wasn’t Anybody Else. He Was Me But Not Myself. The Person Which I Was Is Tied To The Chair & He Was Free. He Was Individual & I Was Herd. I Was Bright & He Was Dark But For Others. In Reality He Was a Pure Man & I Was Nothing But Amalgamation Of Mediocre Media Houses. He Can Think For Himself & Intellectual On What’s app University Were Thinking For me. Most Importantly He Wore a Suit Without Tie & I Love Jeans. He Was Darker Like Christopher Nolan Movie Heroes & DC Comics While I am Just The Marvel Guy & Bollywood Lover. He Was The Bat Guy & I Was The Bad Guy

The Biggest Thing Was That His Life Was Worth Living & Mine Is Worthy Of Leaving. His Life Has a Meaning. He Don’t Want To Conquer The World But I Wanted That Everyone In The Whole World Must Do The Good Things According To My Belief. I Believed That I Was Right & Have The Right To Fight For My Rights & Tell Others What Is Right & What’s Not.

“Brother As You Know That We Both are You. Now It’s Your Choice That Who Will Live & Who Will Leave. I Looked at My Life. Suddenly My Hands Were Freed. Now I Can Touch Her But I Don’t. Room Was Getting Brighter & Brighter. The Two Hooded Men Emerged again from Nowhere. They Give Me a Surgical Knife & Told Me To Cut That Man’s Throat.

I Bursted In To Laughter. You Guys are Asking Me For Cutting My Own Throat. He Is The Hidden Me . He Is The Righteousness Of Me. He Is The Deepest Existence Of Me. In Both Cases I Have To Die. So It’s Better That The Better One Should Stay. I Put The Knife On My Own Throat & Cut Myself. The Last Thing I Saw Was Those Two Hooded Men Were Vanishing Into Oblivion. I was Kissing My Naked Life. Room Was Getting Brighter & Brighter. They Both Were Kissing Each Other But I am Not Getting Jealous This Time Because He Was Me, Infact Better Me Who Was Kissing My Life. Suddenly It Was So Bright That Only Light Was There.

I Found Myself In ICU. The Surgical Knife Was On a Table With Other Machines. My Life Was Sitting Beside Me. She Was Staring at Me & Smiling. My Parents,Few Friends & Colleagues Were Waiting Outside There. Everyone Was There Excluding Me. It Was The One Who Was Free & In Dark. It Was the One Who Was Chosen By Life. It Was The Better One.

Now I am Alive & Dead Both at The Same Time. I am Not What I was But I am What I Supposed To Be. My Beautiful Life Is With Me. The World Seems To Be a Better Place Now. I Just Love Christopher Nolan Movies Now. I Don’t Wear Jeans anymore & I Know That Rousseau Was Wrong. But For all This I Have To Killed Myself. I Killed Myself & Get My Life.

That’s How I Killed Myself & Born…